Random entries

Here are couple of entries since my last blog that I didn't get round to publishing.

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The clock has changed, the trees are turning bare, yet another year slipping away.

The last 10 months or so has gone by in a blink of an eye, I seem to be back to where I was a year ago. I sometimes wake up and wonder did all these things really happen? Did I really swing from the heights of euphoria to the depth of despair within such a short period of time?! I pick up objects, and look at pictures… things with memories attached, memories that now seem so distant. I find myself listening to songs that sings those memories, and puts me back into those moments… perhaps so I don’t forget them, and am trying to learn from them.

Perhaps I am yet again shifting my focus… and this time I am sticking to it.

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Just finished reading ‘Essays in Love’, the first book by Alain De Botton. I think the little blurb on the back of the book actually does a good job summarising the content.

“ The book charts the progress of a relationship between a man and a woman, from their first kiss to the onset of anxiety and heartbreak. The work’s genius lies in the way it minutely analysis emotions we’ve all felt before but have perhaps never understood so well…”

It is weird to see feelings that you thought were uniquely your own printed in black and white, accompanied by reasons to why you may be feeling this way. Weird having philosophical questions asked that leaves you questioning your own experiences, and seeking for more answers. I guess reading this book is part of my way of dealing with what’s happened recently. I desperately seek rational answers to something that is so amazing precisely because it is, for most parts, irrational. I would like to think that I am a rational person, and when it comes to other peoples’ problems I can clearly identify the logical solutions, yet when it comes to matters of my own heart, everything is clouded. This is true for everyone; when you feel like you have everything to loose and fearing the lost, few can behave rationally. Now having taken the step back and looked at the relationship with my rational mind, I see the mistakes, but if I knew what I know now, would I have behaved any differently? Taken a different action? Probably not. I feared the lost too much. It’s ironic to think that perhaps it is preciously the irrational behaviours, which resulted from the feeling of me having had everything and fearing that lost, that made me loose everything. Though at the end of the day, there are some things that are simply out of your control; and that's free will.


Wheel

“People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say 'move along'
Their minds say 'gotcha heart'
'Let's move it along'

And airports see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And I won't be the last
No I won't be the last
To love her

You can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing the seasons do

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And you won't be the first
No you won't be the first
To love me

You can find me
If you ever want again
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again
And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

You can't love too much one part of it
You can't love too much one part of it

I believe that my life's gonna see
That love I give returned to me” - John Mayer